Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
