Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
