I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
