Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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