She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
