i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
