In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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