Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i've created a new STD.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
