i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
