you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
