i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
