She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
