I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
