We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
