I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
