Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
