her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
