but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
