Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm going to jail i love you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
