yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
