My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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