Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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