I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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