just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm really busy with my period
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