While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
