You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
