i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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