No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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