Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
