I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
