doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
