and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
