My first STD was from a foam party
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
