Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
