Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
