Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
