Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
