So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
