I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
