last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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