he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
