He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
