I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
