mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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