remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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