You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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