i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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