shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
