I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
