Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
