so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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